Why I thought I was Failing at Parenting: And how I overcame it.

I had my first parent/ teacher conference of the school year yesterday and let me tell you.... I couldn't be more proud of my first grader. She is reading on level, understanding her math concepts and behaving amazingly. She helps other classmates read. She sits still when no one else will and has manners I forgot I even taught her. All the things a parent would hope to hear I heard today. Her teacher, Mrs. W, thanked me for doing a wonderful job and told me to keep up the good work. She was so excited and proud that she needed to hug me. And with all that I still wanted to cry.  Buy why?

Parenting has been tough, I'm not gonna lie. I has it ups and downs, good days and bad days and tantrums and struggles. The teacher reminded me today that when my husband is away I play the roles of both mom and dad. I never really saw it that way because with todays technology I feel like he's right there when we need him. Even though he's away we still get to talk to him when we need to. We call him before the girls get on the bus and again when they get home. There is usually another phone call before dinner, sometimes to help with homework, and again at bed time.  So I never thought of my self as mom and dad, because dad is still so much a part of our day.

So then why did I want to cry today. I'll tell you...

I honestly thought I was fu**ing it all up.

She says thank you for doing such a great job and I blurt out that all I do is yell.  I admit to her how rough it is on some days and that there are more days with yelling than I care to have or admit.  I have to wonder how I could be doing such a great job if I'm going crazy and yelling and frustrated all the time.

Truth is, I'm not like that all the time. Sure I snap, I yell and I even curse sometimes. But who doesn't?

TRUTH IS: We are all human.

We make mistakes. But we also learn to make better choices. We live and love. And we learn to forgive. Baby steps.  These are the things I have been reminding my self lately. It does me no good to go about my day being angry or frustrated.

My kids are just that.... kids!! They are going to spill stuff and make messes. Thing are definitely going to get broken. They WILL fight with each other. And they won't always listen to me.  But somewhere in the middle of this chaos I am doing it right. I am winning at parenting. And it's not because I yell, well maybe it is, but because I also open up and apologize.

We talk about our day, the good and the bad. We talk about missing Daddy and how hard it can be sometimes, but also about how much fun we have together. We snuggle and cry together. We talk about yelling and not yelling, needing to listen, getting along and cleaning up after ourselves. There are also lots of hugs and apologies for the way things went down. And most importantly we talk about how we can do things differently so it doesn't happen again.

These are the things that help me be a better parent. To help my children be who they are and to help them grow.

At the end of the day when I apologize to my kids for yelling and all they can tell me is how much they love me and what a great day they had.... That's how I know I'm doing it right.

Thank you Mrs. W for opening my eyes and helping me see that I'm not screwing it all up. Thank you for reassuring me that I'm doing a good job and to keep it up. Thank you for seeing and understanding that it's not always easy. And thank you for being a wonderful role model to my daughter. I will continue to laugh with, read to, play with, yell at, snap at, help and guide my daughter so we may both continue to excel.