Why I thought I was Failing at Parenting: And how I overcame it.

I had my first parent/ teacher conference of the school year yesterday and let me tell you.... I couldn't be more proud of my first grader. She is reading on level, understanding her math concepts and behaving amazingly. She helps other classmates read. She sits still when no one else will and has manners I forgot I even taught her. All the things a parent would hope to hear I heard today. Her teacher, Mrs. W, thanked me for doing a wonderful job and told me to keep up the good work. She was so excited and proud that she needed to hug me. And with all that I still wanted to cry.  Buy why?

Parenting has been tough, I'm not gonna lie. I has it ups and downs, good days and bad days and tantrums and struggles. The teacher reminded me today that when my husband is away I play the roles of both mom and dad. I never really saw it that way because with todays technology I feel like he's right there when we need him. Even though he's away we still get to talk to him when we need to. We call him before the girls get on the bus and again when they get home. There is usually another phone call before dinner, sometimes to help with homework, and again at bed time.  So I never thought of my self as mom and dad, because dad is still so much a part of our day.

So then why did I want to cry today. I'll tell you...

I honestly thought I was fu**ing it all up.

She says thank you for doing such a great job and I blurt out that all I do is yell.  I admit to her how rough it is on some days and that there are more days with yelling than I care to have or admit.  I have to wonder how I could be doing such a great job if I'm going crazy and yelling and frustrated all the time.

Truth is, I'm not like that all the time. Sure I snap, I yell and I even curse sometimes. But who doesn't?

TRUTH IS: We are all human.

We make mistakes. But we also learn to make better choices. We live and love. And we learn to forgive. Baby steps.  These are the things I have been reminding my self lately. It does me no good to go about my day being angry or frustrated.

My kids are just that.... kids!! They are going to spill stuff and make messes. Thing are definitely going to get broken. They WILL fight with each other. And they won't always listen to me.  But somewhere in the middle of this chaos I am doing it right. I am winning at parenting. And it's not because I yell, well maybe it is, but because I also open up and apologize.

We talk about our day, the good and the bad. We talk about missing Daddy and how hard it can be sometimes, but also about how much fun we have together. We snuggle and cry together. We talk about yelling and not yelling, needing to listen, getting along and cleaning up after ourselves. There are also lots of hugs and apologies for the way things went down. And most importantly we talk about how we can do things differently so it doesn't happen again.

These are the things that help me be a better parent. To help my children be who they are and to help them grow.

At the end of the day when I apologize to my kids for yelling and all they can tell me is how much they love me and what a great day they had.... That's how I know I'm doing it right.

Thank you Mrs. W for opening my eyes and helping me see that I'm not screwing it all up. Thank you for reassuring me that I'm doing a good job and to keep it up. Thank you for seeing and understanding that it's not always easy. And thank you for being a wonderful role model to my daughter. I will continue to laugh with, read to, play with, yell at, snap at, help and guide my daughter so we may both continue to excel.

My 1st time Homeschooling Adventures

Earlier this year I won a comprehensive online homeschooling program from K¹². I was super excited for the chance to teach my children from home, at my own pace. It has proven to be slow going, very challenging, insightful and rewarding. 

 

My oldest daughter attended preschool last year at Head Start and was going to return this fall as well. My middle child turned three this year but we no longer qualified for the Head Start program and she was not going to be able to attend. That was ok with me because I had the tools to start homeschooling her. But then we moved to Texas and that changed everything. I had no idea what it cost to send a child to preschool. Since we couldn't afford to send both of the girls, I decided I would homeschool all three of them (including my youngest) together. And that's when the challenges began.

The program offers online and offline lessons. They sent me all the supplies I would need: books, blocks, buckets, flashcards, a magnet, a magnifying glass and much more. I just needed to supply the basics like scissors, tape, glue and a printer for all the printouts I would need. Its has it pros... but it also has its cons. I'll talk about those in a minute. Lets begin with my children...

I believe its never to early to start teaching your children, but it can be difficult to teach them in a structured environment if they are too young. Andrew loves to sit up at the computer with us and repeat his sisters answers. He loves to draw and color and count along with us as well. But he doesn't like to sit still. He likes to play with his toys at the computer and he loves to terrorize his sisters.

Alexis, my three year old, is showing signs of ADD. This is the most challenging for me. I can only keep her attention for a few minutes before she is done or ready to move on with something new. The slightest thing can send her into a meltdown. She loves to color and draw, but almost refuses to do tracing activities with us. She doesn't seem to think she can do it without my help. She would rather color in the bubbles on the letters that trace them. Maybe its her age and she's just not ready or maybe I need to find a new way to introduce her to tracing that she will enjoy. I know I do have more luck with her when I can get my husband to help her.

Audrey, the oldest, has always loved to learn. She was well prepared before her first year of preschool and did great with it. I only hope to be able to advance her and prepare her for kindergarten next year. What we are learning now is stuff she already learned. It makes it easier for me, yet challenging because she had a hard time letting her sister have a turn answering questions and just blurts it out or gives her the answers. I'm glad she wants to help, but need her to step back a minute and take turns.

With the three of them together they can't seem to keep their hands to them selves or keep their attention on the lesson. I have tried doing an online lesson with one while the other works offline and little brother plays with blocks. Even that doesn't work for us. They are more interested in what the other is doing, but even more interested in brothers blocks! We've only been at this for a few weeks and have a long road ahead, but I do see sunny skies ahead. I'm sure I can find a balance that works for us and things will get easier. Hey, its preschool, maybe its not supposed to be easy. I don't know. I'm new to this and it's as much a learning adventure for me as it is for them. 

I don't know what other homeschool programs are like or how they work, but here are the pro's and con's of the one I am working with. 

PRO'S:

-It has helped me better establish a routine in our home
-It is very interactive (as I hope an online program would be)
-Colorful and fun in order to keep the attention of the children
-Lessons are easy to prepare for (once you figure out the guide)
-They send you everything you need to prepare for your lessons
-The guide tells you what items you need for that lesson for easier preparation
-Online lessons are easy for the children to do, even on a laptop
-There is a wide variety of topics to choose from and within each topic are the six basic subjects: Language Arts, Math, Science, Art, Social Studies and Music
-Many of the lessons help keep the children physically active

CON'S:

-Hard to navigate in the beginning
-Guide is online and there is a separate one for each topic (It would be much easier for me if I had a handheld guide in front of me) And you cant really print it out since there are 18 topics and each topic has six subjects and each subject has multiple lessons. Needless to say I would have to print hundreds and hundreds of pages just to have a guide on hand.
-I haven't found a way to mark off the lessons we have completed. If you don't write it down somewhere it's easy to forget and then you spend too much time figuring out what you have and haven't completed. I finally went through each guide and printed off the table of contents pages so I had a place where I could find each lesson title and check it off as we go. 

I would love to have feedback from other Homeschooling moms or even teachers. What things work best for you and what doesn't seem to work? How do you teach children of different ages at the same time? What kind of advice would you give to a first time Homeschooling mom? Thanks.